What if I made amends? to Winn?
I was not a loving wife
I tried to be a dutiful wife, but I was not kind nor forgiving
I was acting under my own compulsion about marrying and having kids
I was using you
I did not give you a break or cut you slack
I did not recognize your good qualities including intelligence, and charm as well as a sense of fun
I did not share my best with you. I did say many terrible, mean and hurtful things, probably every day; I certainly thought them every day.
Your charm scares me
I do not want to get sucked in again
It's easier for me to be angry with you, condemn, and hate because that gives me a wall, it's not a boundary, it's a wall
The idea that we might be able to interact without pain worries me
Fortunately it seems that almost everything I say or every gesture I make you seem to experience as condemnation and rejection
