The king shall come when morning dawns and light triumphant breaks, when beauty gilds the eastern hills and life to joy awakes.
Words: Greek;
trans. John Brownlie, 1907
Music: St. Stephen
Meter: CM 



...on reading The Return of the King. LOTR is such sweet fantasy.

I had an idea once
All I can see of it now is that it was there, and it's gone
Like an empty chair in front of cold ashes in a hearth.
There was a time when they ran rampant
Like the clean bare feet running through grassy fields,
kicking up daisies, chasing butterflies,
not stopping for a sting or a stubbed toe...
or not for long
What cooled that sunny heat
What chilly hand silenced those shrieks of wild laughter,
A shallow creek side pool was not enough to drown them
Even the dusk held promise of tomorrow's dawn
Loud thunder, blinding flashes and thick wet drops could not quench for long the thirst of curiosity and delight

Was it some storm has driven the soul inside
where the light is off, the fire cold, the air dry and dusty
not even an echo of joy remains
Or is this empty chair evidence of abandonment and neglect
A willful rampage turned inward upon itself and
burned up the meager remnants of fuel left
after giving away all the time, all the sparks,
the life waned away ebbed back
leaving nothing as brilliant as an oil slick, as feeble as a fading bow in the sky

Ayn Rand was right that Totalitarian Communism was bad. She was wrong to call it "altruism," and also sadly wrong to think that Western business was "good." As we have experienced in our lifetime, the greed for profit over human values and the marketing of lies disguised as information has thoroughly bankrupted our souls.

Have you sat somewhere watching or listening to some sprightly entertainment and said, "oh it's only a commercial." That is the cynicism that leads us to accept the lies. We are bombarded with lies every hour and minute, and we accept that.

We are also told by the "motivators" and marketers that the choice is "grow or die." We must constantly expand or shrivel. We must constantly look for "new opportunities" and rise to new goals. Pshaw.

There is no "there" there. Our job is to be, be here now. It is enough to try to live in truth and do what is right. Do you need a "new" object in your life? Or does the hole in your soul need to be filled by peace, serenity and even possibly joy? None of these things can be made or sold. They cannot be marketed.

Edward Snowden, former NSA security analyst, does not only deserve clemency, he deserves a medal. Without his personal sacrifice, and those of Chelsea Manning and Julian Assange, as well as the efforts of the "Anonymous" hackers, we would not be having crucial conversations about our own government's spying and other illegal activites. The totalitarian efforts of the NSA and other intelligence-gathering and enforcement organizations, including the US Congress and President, are a violation of the Founding Fathers principles of open and responsive government and personal liberty. Mr. Snowden, Mr. Assange, and poor, imprisoned Private Manning are patriots and martyrs.

My favorite character in Catch-22 is Dunbar, the man who tries to be bored at all times so his life will seem longer. He is the epitome of despair. I feel that I have made Dunbar-like choices in my life: about school, starting with taking typing and bookkeeping in high school, about husbands, and especially about jobs. I did finish college, but my journalism degree was not something I planned to use. Instead by the time I finished, nearly 28 years old, I was determined to marry and have children. Then when I was finally divorced from that creep, I took a menial job in a grubby industry, and stayed there long enough to retire. So here I am, very Dunbar-like, sitting around day after day, reading and watching videos. Doing nothing with my free time and abilities.

I feel like that third servant in the parable, who took his paltry talents, and fearing the wrath and vengeance of his master, he buried them. While the other servants invested and grew their greater store of talents, his sat untouched until the day of reckoning. Yep. I'm sad. PS: the "master" didn't think much of his plan. To him who has shall be given, and from him who has not shall be taken away even that which he has.

I often said that having and raising my children was the only thing I did that was "worth the effort." Certainly they turned out spectacularly, but I tend to focus on my regrets and missed opportunities when I think of their rearing.

I woke up this morning thinking about the electronic piano I bought 20 years ago to celebrate being divorced and free to pursue (at last!) my hobbies. hah. It sits in Luke's room, untouched most of the decades since. My cross-stitch supplies and crochet hooks also remain untouched. My sewing machine probably doesn't even run.

Start posting these negative rants in my blog! why then hell not? because I'm going to be famous and on tv and someone will find them??? hahahahahaha.