My favorite character in Catch-22 is Dunbar, the man who tries to be bored at all times so his life will seem longer. He is the epitome of despair. I feel that I have made Dunbar-like choices in my life: about school, starting with taking typing and bookkeeping in high school, about husbands, and especially about jobs. I did finish college, but my journalism degree was not something I planned to use. Instead by the time I finished, nearly 28 years old, I was determined to marry and have children. Then when I was finally divorced from that creep, I took a menial job in a grubby industry, and stayed there long enough to retire. So here I am, very Dunbar-like, sitting around day after day, reading and watching videos. Doing nothing with my free time and abilities.

I feel like that third servant in the parable, who took his paltry talents, and fearing the wrath and vengeance of his master, he buried them. While the other servants invested and grew their greater store of talents, his sat untouched until the day of reckoning. Yep. I'm sad. PS: the "master" didn't think much of his plan. To him who has shall be given, and from him who has not shall be taken away even that which he has.

I often said that having and raising my children was the only thing I did that was "worth the effort." Certainly they turned out spectacularly, but I tend to focus on my regrets and missed opportunities when I think of their rearing.

I woke up this morning thinking about the electronic piano I bought 20 years ago to celebrate being divorced and free to pursue (at last!) my hobbies. hah. It sits in Luke's room, untouched most of the decades since. My cross-stitch supplies and crochet hooks also remain untouched. My sewing machine probably doesn't even run.

Start posting these negative rants in my blog! why then hell not? because I'm going to be famous and on tv and someone will find them??? hahahahahaha.